Everyone knows about “The Mommy Wars.” You know, formula vs. breastfeeding, disposables vs. cloth diapers, to vaccinate or not to vaccinate, everyone has their opinions on how their baby should be raised and it’s only normal that everyone is different. I have my opinions and if you don’t agree with them, great. But that’s not what this post is about. It’s about the Stepford Moms who act like their life and kids are perfect, even when they’re not. It makes me livid when parents act like everything is hunky dory with their kids allllll of the time, always has been, always will be. You know….when you deliver your baby early, naturally, pushed for only five minutes on the precise day you wanted your child’s birthday to be, and then the baby sleeps through the night at 2 days, breastfeeding was successful from the start, never cries unless he/she is hungry, never gets sick, or when he/she does, never fusses, rolls over both ways by 1 week, stands unassisted at 6 months (ha!), never goes through the “terrible twos,” potty trains by 12 months…. blah blah blah blah BLAH!
I don’t know why people find it necessary to lie about their kids, when after awhile you KNOW it’s a lie.
This is more common in online mommy forums and women talking about their kids who were babies 50 years ago….but it still happens amongst friends, in smaller doses today.
You know how moms are, we naturally want to compare our kids to make sure they’re “on track” with their peers. I’m guilty of it, too. But kids are different. One kid who walks at 9 months may not have the vocabulary at 2 years that the kid who waited until 18 months to walk has. Or the child who has a speech disorder may be better at complex thinking than a child who talked at 10 months. (This is all being hypothetical, of course, not my scientific research.)
All I’m saying is, be REAL when you talk about your kids. Sure, your kid slept through the night early on, but don’t forget to mention that his/her bedroom was upstairs and you put him/her in the crib at 7 PM and didn’t go get him/her until 6 AM! Or if you breastfed until your baby was 2, don’t forget to mention that you went through a rough start when your baby kept getting thrush and you thought you wouldn’t make it. The trials we endure sometimes encourage others to keep going or gives strength to the sleepless!
I don’t know, maybe things ARE perfect for some people. I’m not calling people liars here, I’m just asking mommies everywhere to yes, brag about your little one, but throw in some truths and struggles there, too. Because I guarantee that’s what other mommies will identify with, not that your kids started walking at the same age or when their first tooth came in!
Just be real!
Here, I’ll start. Captain Fussybuckets did not sleep through the night until he was 18 months old. He had to have a bottle at 3 AM every morning from 12-18 months, and sometimes at other times during the night. It was the only way he could go to sleep. (bad habit created by Mommy, maybe, but you gotta do what you gotta do when your son hates rocking and hates the pacifier!) BUT he’s always been an on-the-go kid who walked at an early age!
Baby D started sleeping through the night early on. I don’t even remember when it was because I refused to believe it was true. BUT he’s always been a horrible napper and takes the paci and sleeps on his tummy!
So there you go. I can be honest. I don’t want people to believe our family is perfect because well, that’s a lot to live up to and I refuse to try!
Niekka McDonald
Tuesday 13th of August 2013
Yes!!!! I have experienced this for way too long. No one is the perfect parent and there is no perfect kids. We all need positive support not competition. My kids did things that I thought was amazinging especially my first born because I didn't have another kid to compare her too. Then when I had my son, I thought he was double the amazing as my daughter. That wasn't somthing I bragged about especially to my friends with kids and why because their kids where doing amazing things too. I just enjoyed watching them grow up and that is what is important. Kids have their good and bad as they are still getting use to the world and how to function we as parents do not have to lie about anything. You connect better when you are truthful because you find out that someone else might have gone through the same thing and can relate to you.
Officerswife33
Tuesday 16th of August 2011
Thanks for stopping by my blog! I totally feel you on this post, but I do think it is a fine line. I hate reading about the perfect lives of other moms, but I am also beyond tired of the blogs that are just whining. I'm finding that there are a lot of bloggers who go so far the other way, constantly bemoaning their situation in life. I think life is what we make of it, you know?
That being said, I had one daughter who walked at 10 months and I was sure she was a genius child, but then she didn't learn to talk until after she turned two! My other little girl didn't walk until well after she turned one, but here we are at 19 months and she talks a lot more than I was prepared for. And both of my girls didn't start sleeping through the night until they were 17 months old. Thank goodness for co sleeping or I would be one sleep deprived mama!
http://www.whattoexpect.com/blogs/imamommywhatsyoursuperpower
Dawn @ 5 Kids and a Dog
Tuesday 16th of August 2011
I totally agree! I'm an "old mom" these days (kids 9yr-23) but I remember hearing about all the perfect babies and perfect toddlers and being really frustrated that mine weren't doing what they were doing. Let's get real people! And I had to giggle when I saw the tiny text about him sleeping on his tummy. Some babies JUST HAVE TO!
christigpa
Tuesday 16th of August 2011
Yeah, the Mommy Wars, whether online or in person are frustrating and pointless. At least they're less in person because you can see the dark circles under the mother's eyes...online you just wonder, "gosh, what am I doing wrong"?
Ashleigh
Tuesday 16th of August 2011
Great post! So true. Why do people try so hard, especially when they're 'online friends' and we don't really know each other. What's the point?
I'll join in! My daughter walked at 9 months. YAY (or not, makes for a busy mama). But, we're within months of turning 3 and she still wakes up sometimes at night. She was waking every 3 hours until I did cry it out (yup, I did) at 7 months old. That's a LONG time for a mama to go without good sleep.
Now, my son, who is two months old, is a great sleeper (on his tummy, too....ooops). But, we don't have a lot of happy awake time yet. Sometimes, with a screaming newborn and a screaming toddler, you end up with a screaming mama too!.
Following you from http://thenotsocleanmommy.blogspot.com